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Acknowledging A Shift

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I am down, a total of 115 pounds. Some of it on my own, but most of it is from my weight loss surgery. I am totally looking different. I decided a long time ago that I would not be the frumpy, rumpy, dumpy ‘fat to skinny’ girl. I said early on, I was going to do it with class, style, sass, and as much sex appeal I could muster. I am holding that end of my bargain. hahaha

However, I’ve have noticed a change in how I am received. I said, in an early post, before my surgery, that my physical change would cause people to treat me differently. I remembered typing that I would be upset if that happened. Well, it has happened, and I lied. I have loved every bit of the extra attention, the lingering stares, especially from the opposite sex. My curly natural locks have gotten shiner, so has my teeth, and forehead. Lord! LOLOLOLOL I am embracing everything. It feels normal. I’ve always been outgoing, fun, with a big personality. I feel like the old me, just smaller.

NEGATIVES

I’ve encountered some negatives, but few and far in between. When I do, I get rid of it immediately, because it isn’t my norm, or something that I am willing to become accustom to. My negatives have come from my overwhelming change, attitude, and presence. It has rubbed individuals wrong. However, I can’t accept that that negativity is mine or my fault. It may have caused some self-conscious feelings, about oneself appearance, or their inability to lose their own weight on their own. I’ve been mocked minimally about taking the easy way out. However, I have owned this process from the beginning. I took me about 4 months of meeting and speaking with my surgeon to really sign off on it. This wasn’t an easy decision, and it hasn’t been an easy process. I think attitude, and the willingness to go alone with all that comes with it makes a monstrous difference. I accept all that comes with it, dumping and all. The dumping will get better, as you learn your dos and don’ts.

ADVICE

LIVE! Don’t abuse your body, and be careful not to replace one addictive behavior with another. I haven’t made any major purchases. I have shopped some, but that stopped mostly, after Christmas. I am only 6 months out. If it is to start, I haven’t a clue as to when it would. My debt is at a all time minimum. I don’t club or drink. Right now, I’ve not picked up any bad behaviors. I am terribly aware of what the statistics says. My most excessive behavior would be working, at this time. I love working; I love what that means for me and my daughter. However, when I could, I’ve always worked a lot. This minimize time for boys. I am not willing to give up one for the other. So, I am not sure if that’s a replacement. I do obsess a little about money. But not to spend, but ways to increase and SAVE! I am so scared about being broke and losing everything, again. I think about it more than normal, lately. I don’t know if it’s because of this stupid political environment, or because of my fear of being wasteful. I don’t know. At this time, if I was to be honest, with myself, I don’t have any excessive, crazy behaviors that have replaced my food. I hope to never get any, but the writings and statistics says that some bariatric patients experience it. If one should come, I hope I can identify it and fix it FAST!

SKIN

Whelp! Lord have mercy!

My arms are definitely my problem children. They are just there dangling. My upper thigh fatty area is also terrible. You can’t tell in my clothes, and I don’t have to put on stuff to make it look better. You can just see the lose skin, outside of my clothes, and I have almost 100 more pounds to go. So, I know it’s going to get worse. I love my boobies, but if I sit up a certain way, or look at the wrong time, I can see the wrinkle in them now as well, from loose skin. I still have a lot of belly and back fat. My stomach is just starting to droop. I use this lotion that has collagen in it. I put it everywhere. My triple chin is no longer, but if you catch my head turned just the right angle, you can see lose skin, where my chins once were. I really need to start pounding those weights. I am not sure what to do about my chin area. It doesn’t look bad. You’ll have to really look to catch it. LOL

However, I will not change a thing! If this is my beginning, my lord what will another 6 months be like! I CAN’T WAIT TO FIND OUT! Maybe the money I am scared to spend will help me fix some of these problems, in a couple of years! You never know!

Peace, Love, and LIFE!

It’s my 40th Birthday

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WoW!! WoaH! Lord Have Mercy!

I am turning 40, in just a few short hours, and I am just thrilled to pieces!! Had I known that today would be the way it is today, I would have stopped worrying and complaining a long time ago, because things were just going to get better. Now, I was already on this happy train, before I had weight loss surgery, but it sure does add to this huge permanent grin, I am possessing right now! I am no longer pre-diabetic; I no longer have hypertension; my knees no longer snap, crackle, and pop. I can walked up my stairs, without my knees feeling like they are about pop out of its joint. I am a praying woman, I don’t know about the people that will read this, but I am so glad that I finally listen and heeded God’s advice. I am healthier, happier, and more content than I’ve ever been in my life. Most importantly, I can be the type of mother my daughter deserves! If momma isn’t happy, nobody’s happy. When momma’s happy, the WORLD is happier!

I am about to put some music on, after making sure my baby is in the bed, and about to dance this night away!!

I wish the entire world peace, love, and compassion tonight! I wish the world just an ounce of what I am feeling, at this very moment! I love me and I love you!

Duodenal Switch = New Life

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Hi,

It’s been awhile since my last post. I finally had to break down and buy a new computer for my kid, which will enable me to blog and post more. I actually got a desk top (all in one). So no more tiny phone punching and constant changes, due to all of the typos. I have much to share.

GAS

I love my new weight loss tool. My life has just grown leaps and bounds. I’ve not had any serious or hard consequences or problems, due to my weight loss surgery. I had my gall bladder taken out, while in surgery. I have been pushing my limits as of late though. I have been testing sodas, which is a serious no-no. (1) The sugar content is terrible; (2) the dark sodas burns really bad; (3) the diet sodas aren’t that good anymore. But don’t forget the dark sodas burn (diet or regular). They are just team too much. I picked up a Sprite Zero a few weeks ago, and not only does it taste like a sprite; it doesn’t burn like the dark sodas; and it has no sugar in it. However, it gives me horrible bubble and very LOUD gut noises that leads to serious gas passing. Thank God I work at home and alone! hahaha However, 6 months out, I usually have one every other week. One 20 ounces bottle can last me about 3 days. I can’t drink it straight, and the longer I have it, the fizz is drastically reduced, which helps with the bubbling gut.

SUGAR, VITAMINS & PROTEINS

I like to suck on peppermints. Those things are full of sugar though. I still like starbursts. So, I buy the minis and it’ll take me a week to eat them, but I will. Too many of them will make me dump. I haven’t struggled, like I thought I would with getting my protein in, mostly because I will still do a protein shake, once a day. I need 80 to 120 grams of protein. I am at the lower end of hitting my target.

My vitamins are easier, each passing month. They are like second nature. I struggled a lot with them in the beginning, because it was too much, too soon. They were nasty; too big; and made my tummy hurt. I’ve learned which one I need to eat or drink some protein milk (Fairlife) with, which helps settle my stomach. I can now take the chewable calcium better, which I need 1800 MG per day. I have strawberry and orange flavors that taste just like starbursts! If you are new to this, they’ll not taste like that in the beginning, FYI.

WEIGHT LOSS NUMBERS & HAIR LOSS

My current weight, as of yesterday was 298.2 LBS. I haven’t weighed that since high school. I am getting skinny. Including my skin, which isn’t that bad at all, thus far, I would only like to lose about 70 more pounds. I stand at 5’10 inches. I am curvy, now, and I’d like to keep my curves. I look really great. It’s not just my conceitedness (hahahaha), but from the responses from everyone else, especially the opposite sex. My highest weight was up to 415 pounds. So, I’ve technically lost 117 pounds from my highest weight. You can tell also. I feel so amazing.

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In regards to hair loss, I’ve not had any. It came out in some big chucks, maybe 2 times. However, I am a natural headed woman. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I started taking Biotin, after my 3 month check up. I am finishing up my 6th month now, and there’s less shedding. I have gotten to a minimum hair loss. It’s actually longer than it has been in years. It’s growing like it’s on steroids.

I CAN DO ANYTING

I took my baby to Great Wolf Lodge, indoor water park 2 weeks ago. The first time we went was last summer. I couldn’t even go up one flight of stairs. This time, not only did I go up the one flight of stairs, I slid down every last one of the slides, including the big one where I had to climb 4 flights of stairs. My only injury was my heart (too old for this shit aka I was scared), and I skinned both elbows pushing myself down those tunnels.

My daughter has a mommy that can do anything with her. We travel and go places together all the time. I am WHOLE again.

CHALLENGES

Exercising is still an Achilles heel for me. I don’t have the time. I do stretches and weights, while working, but other than that, I still do not do any hard core running, walking, or pounding something. I work 6 days a week, by choice. I work pretty long hours. When I am not working, I am 150% full on mommy mode. My last doctor visit showed that I have gained quite a bit of muscle mass. I am not losing muscle. I take the stairs every chance I get. I am always on the go, so maybe that’s helping? I don’t know. My doctor wants me to become an athlete. That’s not going to happen. I have to go back to him and say, ‘yeah, I lost the weight (still is); I’ve not lose any hair or muscles (I’ve gained), but I do not want to be an athletic. I want to be debt free; and in my spare time, I want to hang with my kid. She’s at an age now, where we can hang out. She has developed an opinion. hahahaha

In short, my life (I have a real one) has been tremendous! Life is good; really, really, really good. I am happier than ever been in my life. The things that use to seem hard, difficult, or too challenging are like swatting a fly. It’s easy peasy! I am my worst critic and enemy. I am my only road or stumbling block. I just need to get out of my own way and flourish, living the life that God has intended for me!

Big decision.. the biggest!

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Should I or should I not…

SHOP! Lord have mercy. I have curved my spending, now that the holidays are over, drastically! I must admit, I did partake in the many sales, in every department store imagined. However, most of the shopping was spent on under garments. That’s the one thing that I just can’t fit anymore. Because, I am just feeling myself a little too mich, I went pretty and dainty, which translates to $$$! I have however had a great time shopping in my closet. The one outfit that gave me the largest response from my friends, family, and outside stares and comments was an old outfit.

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The dress is a year old, and the jacket… drumroll please… is over 15 years old! It has a nice cut and style to it, so I never got rid of it. It looks brand new. Because, I am smaller now than I was at 23 years old, it fits better! It’ll be to big in 2 months! And just for the sake of showing my cuteness, I added a closeup shot. I love the way I look!

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We went to church, then to see Hidden Figures. A great movie by the way! I am still trying to figure out my balance. I do know that I don’t want to look slouchy, unkempt, while shrinking into the woman I am becoming. Did I mention that I am single, so I try to look date ready as much as possible. Lmao!!! The shame in saying that is that I am not ashamed at all!! Who knows the second time around may be a great success story! Lolol

For now, I need to curve my shopping. My closet can’t take any more new or old clothes. Not to mention, this transition will become very expensive. I am looking for an affordable seamstress, in the RDU area. If anyone has any suggestions, I’d appreciate the information. Working at home keeps me from needing to worry about dress wear all the time; however, I’d like to look photo ready when I do go in the office.

I have already purchased, THE weight loss dress, which I purchased in a small size 16. I am going to do a photo shoot as my gift of celebration when it fits! I hope to be in this dress by early spring!

Fun times indeed are a’coming!

Goodnight!

Considering gastric surgery: Should I or Shouldn’t I?

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Ummm… This is a very personal decision. My range of emotions included anger, sadness, hopelessness, fear, and anything else that a human mind can experience. My first meeting with my surgeon wasn’t very good. I was angry that I felt I needed to meet with this man. I was upset that I just couldn’t do it on my own. I felt like time was running out. I’ll be 40 this year, and I started to imagine the rest of my life with this 5 year that has more energy than a pack of football players, my stressed out knees and back. I felt like I should have done more, when I was younger to curve this issue. I felt like that I shouldn’t have married bad, which caused a great deal of stress, disappointment, and the other horrible D word… depression.

Depression was my achilles heel. I ate myself into hypertension, pre-diabetic numbers, and somehow it was just my poor ‘potential’ surgeon’s fault. Hell, he hadn’t even touched me yet. I sat across from him thinking what an ass. Right? Cause that’s what we do, when we sufficiently need someone else to blame. We lash out at the one person that can potentially change the course of our lives.

Well, at least that was my story, what about yours? Lol

I would encourage everyone to take your time with this decision. If you have problems, during the surgery or afterwards, it’s important that we are sitting comfortably with the choice we have made. Our doctors deserve fair treatment, during the good and the bad. Don’t be forced into this. Do it for yourself. Although, my 5 year old was my staunch #1 driver, then came the fear of diabetes. That’s my truth, right or wrong.

For me, it was important that I fell in love with this decision. I needed to love it more than like it or be okay with it. It took about 7 months from the initial meeting to my actual surgery date. I arrived mentally, emotionally, and spiritually equipped about 4 to 5 months in. The first 4 months, I spent researching, looking for death rates, success rates, and loose skin pictures and videos, and in that order. I was really scared about what I would look like. Now, this was my torture. I had made peace with the low death rate, but the loose sagging skin, and for the first time in my life, being skinny took a long while to conceptualize.

Below are pictures of my face shots before and now. I look back now, and I am thinking, what the hell took you so long girl!! However, had I not taken the time; took the long road, I don’t think mentally I would be where I have safely arrived. I would have nicked picked my decision to death, and eventually sunk into a skinny girl depression, with looser skin. Why looser skin? Because I would be spending the majority of my time mourning the food I can’t eat, mad if I have to dump, and not exercising to tighten my skin up. Just a shrinking loose skinned mess!

My skin has loosen, but I feel so good, who in the hell cares. I look good! I feel better than I look! I dump, then say whelp can’t eat that again; get in the mirror and snap pictures of my new forming collarbone! Then I get my weights and resistance band and work on toning my skin up! I will get an A for effort, no matter the journey or length of time it takes!

See the difference? It’s major!

Me and my bathing suit

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Hi,

On one of my very last posts, in May, I mentioned my fear of bathing suit. I would wear one before, as hump and dump. However, I was so concerned about the loose skin, I didn’t think I was going to be able to in a very long while. Well…. drumroll please… I purchased one to wear in two weeks! This is a size 18, down from highest size of 32! I am so excited to be wearing a bathing suit in the winter. I have some squishing going on up top, but by my recollection that’s a good kinda problem. . So BAM! Here I am!

Here’s proof that I can cross my legs and in leggings!! Leggings! I am feeling so pretty! I’ve lost a few more pounds, since putting my suit on. I am over the moon excited about my lease on life.

Let me say something to be clear. This surgery didn’t suddenly given me confidence. I did this surgery for my baby, but it’s true I didn’t expect to just love and appreciate my new look. I thought I was cute before, but hell, I was not expecting to turn into an even prettier butterfly. I’ve never been the shy type. I’ve always embraced life and just went with it. 2016 was a magical year for me, not due to the surgery,  but in spite of it. So, I was already on a high, now I am just about overdosed on self love. It comes from within, outwardly. Not to mention, God is sooooo good!

Have a groovy day!

Ohhhh, for those that forgot what I looked like before, here I am.

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It’s been a long time…

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Hi all,

It’s been such a long time, since I’ve written last, and I have much to tell. I have moved forward with having a gastric surgery. I went with the surgery suggested by my bariatric specialist, Dr. Peter Ng, with Rex Specialists. I went with his suggestion of the duodenal  switch. I had surgery on 08/31/2016. I had to do liquids for 2 weeks, which started on 8/17. My highest weight ever was 415 pounds. I was 385, the day of my surgery, I was 370 pounds. Today, I weigh in at 311.5 pounds. I look better than ever. I feel amazing, and it has already been life changing for my daughter. Not only am I crossing my legs, of this 5 foot 10 inch body, but I am to actually able to do things with my daughter and not feel every creak or pop in my knees or back. It has been the best decision I have made for my life!!! I am so happy.

What it has not been is the quick or easy way out. I still have to work. Lord knows, I sure don’t want my droopy skin to get worse. So, I am resist banding and squatting every step of the way. I figured my boobs will need to be surgically fixed, at some point. I have found hips and curves I had no idea existed. Dare I say, I am getting fine. Pictures are coming! I am one big, shrinking ‘unhumble’ pie. Lol I am definitely in love with me, and I can’t wait to share more!

Peace, love, and squats!!