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I just hit a rough patch, and I learned that I still have a problem. Food was my go to again. It’s difficult to binge or eat too much of the wrong thing, because you’d either get really sick, extremely uncomfortable, and the most essential vitamins and proteins begin to drop, because of lack of consumption. My nails started to break more often, not growing in strong, like before. The edges of my gorgeous hair has broken out and has taken longer than normal to start growing back, although I do a full daily dose of biotin, hair, and nail vitamins daily.
Although, I wanted this or that, in regards to food, I didn’t go crazy. I actually joined the gym. Added a second protein drink to make sure I hit my target of 70 grams of protein daily. I put the cereal down for breakfast, and got my bacon and oatmeal back. I never messed up my vitamins. I suspect they are better than they’ve ever been, because I am so scared of getting ‘hospital’ sick. A few times, I got those bad ‘borderline dehydrated’ headaches. Those were awful, and my initial tell-tell time that I am falling.
I had to catch myself. I don’t have time to get sick; not take care of myself, when I’ve worked so hard getting here. I don’t deserve that, and most importantly neither does my daughter. And I am just too cute to be stressing over something that turned out to be a blessing in disguise. I could have lost a lot, on the path I was on mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and financially! Somebody tried to come and steal all my stuff! So, I focused on ALL of the really great things that are in my life. I got to work and rid of the things that weren’t good for me, my happy, and healthy self!
Not to mention, I just can’t become a 40 year old fool! LMAO
Peace, love, and loose skin,
Even Shonda Rhimes, the creator of Scandal understands what I was referencing in my most recent blog.
I’ve had so much to talk about and share that I had to split the posts tonight. I don’t want to diminish one over the other. This article will speak to the mental boundaries that we, as bariatric patients, see things through rose-colored lens. We don’t see what you all are seeing. So, when you yell out… “HEY SKINNY! My you’ve gotten small! Gosh, don’t lose any more weight! Girl, when are you going to stop losing weight!? Eat girl!” We don’t see that. I am almost a year out, and I don’t see the weight loss. I have tried every which way God has given me to see it, and I don’t see it. Apparently, this is fairly normal. Who knew? I read about it, but I thought it was one of those things you put in the land of absurdity. Whelp, the shits true. I don’t see skinny. So, when you are doing all that yelling at us bariatric patients, hell we are turning around to congratulate someone too. We don’t know you are talking to us. LMAO!!!!!!!
With that being said, I see the changes, physically. I can see that my skin has lighten up. I can see the loose skin. I can see that my clothes are shrinking in size. I can do a side by side photo and see the change. When I look in the mirror, I see a new and improve me. However, I don’t see the drastic weight loss you see. The shock you are experiencing aren’t here with us, mentally yet. I’ve seen a couple of people, and they just started damn crying. I got scared. I was like, “honey, you ok? You alright? What’s wrong withcha?” They had to explain to me that it was my weight loss. I was like, “oh it’s okay!” However, that’s when I realized, I must look a shocking, gorgeous mess! They were crying, with utter shock. In between the snot, they were able to murmur how absolute pretty I am, and quickly to say, “well you were always beautiful.” LOLOLOL (We get it) How proud they are of me. So, it was no shade or tea, but absolute joy and happiness for me.
So, understand everyone, we are still catching up. You are probably a year or two ahead of us. It’s just simply our new normal. It’s like going into the hospital to give birth to a baby, and coming home with it, and just like, “now what the fuck am I suppose to do?” The reality, shock, amazement of this new body (baby) just has not caught up with our head. We are aware that this is happening, but we are still processing and learning. Nope, we are not crazy, mental, or slow. It’s just hard to explain, but it’s true. We know that we’ve lost the weight. Some people can tell you the date and time of every new experience, but not when they finally saw the past and current new person.
So, I’d like to say, stop that damn yelling. Please don’t cry. Just enjoy the ride (new baby) with us. Let’s go shopping! Let us raid your closet! Let’s just love, support each other, and have some fun. Invite me out for a night of dancing (make sure I have a babysitter first). LOLOL Most importantly, understand that everyone isn’t as carefree as I am either. Some people may have become (more) depressed or really upset about the yelling, even when you are meaning well. It’s because they are still processing, uncomfortable with what’s happening, and adjusting. It depends on where they were mentally and emotionally, prior to surgery as well.
The attention we have begun to get may have become overwhelming. It’s not just you (the loved one and bestfraaaaannnnnddd), but the haters, jealous, envious witches, ex-abusive boyfriends/husbands, mean and inconsiderate family and friends, and/or mean-spirited co-workers. Then to make things even weirder, you are now ‘datable’, and the new and upcoming buffet, with an all you can eat sign (hehehehe). LMAO! Lord have mercy! You think you are shocked, try wearing all of those hats. So, we are aware that things are happening, but to some degree it’s still shocking, because guess what? WE ARE THE SAME PEOPLE, we were before the surgery. So, understand, we are looking at you like, “bitch, you didn’t see me before??” LOLOLOLOL For some, they’ve gone from being invisible, to suddenly being seen by EVERYONE! Walk easy, for my baratric sisters and brothers.
Now for me, you don’t have to do all of that. I am all in, and loving EVERYTHANG! Let’s go shopping!
Peace, love, and loose skin!
Much has happened since my last post. I’ve gotten my hunger sensation back, as of 3 weeks ago. That hit me like a ton of bricks. I thought something really, really bad was happening. I was like what in the hell is going on here! I went to bed one night and woke up, with what the dead folks in The Walking Dead must have felt like… starvation! Lordt!
Three weeks in, I now find myself snacking a lot more. My snacks haven’t been the best. I still can’t eat much; however, I am not dumping, and I can actually consume more, including the devil (SUGAR). August 31st is my one year anniversary. I feel wonderful. I have had no problems whatsoever.
My skin is jiggler (if that’s a word). However, I am super damn sexy. I love how absolutely amazing I feel. I have topped off, for a few weeks now at 273 to 277. I will get to 273, then gain 4. Lose 4, gain 4 right back. I am certain my stall has lasted longer, because I do not exercise like my doctor would want, and I am consuming more. I am okay with it, because I know the weights going to continue to fall. I would like to stop losing at 240, but my doctor has already told me that I will land at 180 to 190, which is just too small for me. However, it is what it is. I am not, have not, obsessed over my numbers. I am still losing inches, although, my numbers aren’t changing. I do not measure myself either. I just don’t want to obsess over those types of things. I’ve even gone back to Great Wolf Lodge! I conquered everything with my kid! She was so happy!
How I know I’ve lost inches? I’ve been wearing size 20 pants, since April. I put on a size 14/16 dress (that I purchased) two days ago. My size 20 pants are too big. I just bought a size 18 dress that’s tight on my top and too big at the bottom. By the time my numbers change on my scale, I’ll be in a 16/18, comfortably, more than likely. I am getting skinny, at my 5 feet 10 inch frame. Remember, my old numbers: highest weight 415; weight before liquids 385; weight after liquids 370.
One thing that I am uber AWARE OF, which isn’t exercising, but my vitamins and my intact of protein. I’ve increased my protein drinks daily. I am now doing 2 drinks, on most days of the week. I don’t count like I should; however, 2 protein drinks will automatically give me 40 to 50 grams protein per day. I need 70 to 90, more if I am exercising. I cook a home cook meal 3 to 4 days out of the week. No eating out a lot.
Premier Protein now has this really amazing Tropical Punch drinks that are only sold at Sam’s, at a reasonable price that I’ve found. They are soooooo good, and it’s equal to the milky protein drinks, both whey based isolate protein. They are retailing at $19 for 12-18 ounce drinks. I get 3 to 4 cases at a time. Amazeballs!!
Any my greatest accomplishment to date is my ability to ride the go carts! One of the pictures are below; it was with my team outing at work. However, I’ve since gone back and took my kid. It was amazing!!
Now, I am living and is no longer co-existing in the world! My only regret is not doing it sooner. Life is good. Love is good!
You know, I must admit, I love my tool. I am especially excited about my decision to move forward with gastric surgery/duodenal switch. My life has taken on an entirely new spin that I had never expected. I am happy that I am happy. I am happy that I can cross my legs. I am happy, because I am so damn pretty. I thought, I was cute before, hell no. I’ve gone to just outright gorgeous, but most importantly from the inside OUT!
This process isn’t for everyone. Take the time you need for it. I have horrible bubble gut noises, if I consume the wrong foods, or too much of something that’s bad for me. I have loud, ear piercing farts. Like the kind that would scare a sleeping child or dog. It’s horrible.
I walk through the house, tooting from my back end like a stepped on windbag, making my own musical notes. And don’t let it be the smelly ones, LLLOOORRRRDDDDD HAVE MERCY!! The most horrendous smells will come from your body and make you think something has gone sour or rotten, during bathroom times. I promise, you will say many times, “I bet that’s what a dead body smells like!”
My worse skin action belongs to my arms. Winner, winner, chicken dinner. They are bat wings. However, I am still cute!
My stomach fat is shrinking slowly (which I am grateful for) and hasn’t shown yet what it will look like, when it’s said and done. I am curious to see. My boobs, Tom and Jerry, have some old lady wrinkles on them, yet is keeping the most important fullness. So, I don’t know, they may not turn completely into two raisins! Lord, I hope not. If they do, I already know that I am going to order me a pair of ’20 year olds’!!
I have gone from a size 32 to a size 18, or a 20 for a comfort, classic fit. My first weight loss goal is size 16. Once I hit that magical number and can actually fit in my Weight Loss Dress (yes, I have one that I purchased, right after my surgery), I am going to have a photo shoot done! I can’t wait! I am almost there! That’s my ultimate goal and gift to myself. When I bought the dress, I thought I had lost my mind, because I was certain this $80 bucks had been wasted, because there was no way I was going to actually fit in this lil’ bitty ass dress, right? Well, when I first bought it, I couldn’t do anything, but put it on my neck. LOLOLOLOLOLOL Now, I can put the entire dress on, but the seam started howling and hollering, in the back. Tom and Jerry had turned to instant pancakes. They were just squished. However, the dress was ON!! Seats honey! Seats! I can’t wait to put it on, on. I am going to call the fire department to cool all of this hotness off, child!
I just got back from the beach, and oh wee, I was fine as hell! I didn’t even trying to hid my bat wings. If someone was thinking something negative, I didn’t give two shits, because I saw stars and hearts, and visual daggers turn into Sugar Free popsicles, when they hit me. I was in heaven. I was posing, and using props, like I was just chill. But actually, I was catching the light! LOLOLOLOLOLOL
Life is really great! I can laugh at myself, because it’s funny. Remember the gas I had mentioned earlier? Well, I tried to have me a grown up drink, one of those freeze and thaws from Walmart for $2 bucks. That thang had 42 grams of sugar in it!!! The smells that filled our room that night, almost made my vacation mate, put me out! Too much sugar will make you smell worse than a dead, gassed up skunk. I just remember waking up to her spraying my Bath n Body Work saying, Lord EVETTE!! lololololololololol My 6 year old grumbles all the time, but it has kept her out of my bed at night! So whatever works, works! You must learn to take the few wins, with the loses!
Now to the good stuff, I am dating, and I am loving it! I will have more on this, down the road. An old love has come back into my life and before he saw this new me. It’s because I am awesome and great! Uh huh! LOLOLOL Now, I am what?? GORGEOUS! Someone told me I was chic the other day. You could have just knocked me over with a feather. Me, chic? Since when? Since when? And she said, since then…..
Just for a reminder, let me show you what I looked like before I took on this very GASSY journey…
I loved this girl, but I don’t even see me in her any longer. She looks like a stranger. I can’t believe that was me, just a little while ago. Oh and yeah, I was still just as silly, boisterous, and happy. I’ve just gotten (dare I say) SEXY, BABBEEEE!
Life is good, but God is great,
I am down, a total of 115 pounds. Some of it on my own, but most of it is from my weight loss surgery. I am totally looking different. I decided a long time ago that I would not be the frumpy, rumpy, dumpy ‘fat to skinny’ girl. I said early on, I was going to do it with class, style, sass, and as much sex appeal I could muster. I am holding that end of my bargain. hahaha
However, I’ve have noticed a change in how I am received. I said, in an early post, before my surgery, that my physical change would cause people to treat me differently. I remembered typing that I would be upset if that happened. Well, it has happened, and I lied. I have loved every bit of the extra attention, the lingering stares, especially from the opposite sex. My curly natural locks have gotten shiner, so has my teeth, and forehead. Lord! LOLOLOLOL I am embracing everything. It feels normal. I’ve always been outgoing, fun, with a big personality. I feel like the old me, just smaller.
I’ve encountered some negatives, but few and far in between. When I do, I get rid of it immediately, because it isn’t my norm, or something that I am willing to become accustom to. My negatives have come from my overwhelming change, attitude, and presence. It has rubbed individuals wrong. However, I can’t accept that that negativity is mine or my fault. It may have caused some self-conscious feelings, about oneself appearance, or their inability to lose their own weight on their own. I’ve been mocked minimally about taking the easy way out. However, I have owned this process from the beginning. I took me about 4 months of meeting and speaking with my surgeon to really sign off on it. This wasn’t an easy decision, and it hasn’t been an easy process. I think attitude, and the willingness to go alone with all that comes with it makes a monstrous difference. I accept all that comes with it, dumping and all. The dumping will get better, as you learn your dos and don’ts.
LIVE! Don’t abuse your body, and be careful not to replace one addictive behavior with another. I haven’t made any major purchases. I have shopped some, but that stopped mostly, after Christmas. I am only 6 months out. If it is to start, I haven’t a clue as to when it would. My debt is at a all time minimum. I don’t club or drink. Right now, I’ve not picked up any bad behaviors. I am terribly aware of what the statistics says. My most excessive behavior would be working, at this time. I love working; I love what that means for me and my daughter. However, when I could, I’ve always worked a lot. This minimize time for boys. I am not willing to give up one for the other. So, I am not sure if that’s a replacement. I do obsess a little about money. But not to spend, but ways to increase and SAVE! I am so scared about being broke and losing everything, again. I think about it more than normal, lately. I don’t know if it’s because of this stupid political environment, or because of my fear of being wasteful. I don’t know. At this time, if I was to be honest, with myself, I don’t have any excessive, crazy behaviors that have replaced my food. I hope to never get any, but the writings and statistics says that some bariatric patients experience it. If one should come, I hope I can identify it and fix it FAST!
Whelp! Lord have mercy!
My arms are definitely my problem children. They are just there dangling. My upper thigh fatty area is also terrible. You can’t tell in my clothes, and I don’t have to put on stuff to make it look better. You can just see the lose skin, outside of my clothes, and I have almost 100 more pounds to go. So, I know it’s going to get worse. I love my boobies, but if I sit up a certain way, or look at the wrong time, I can see the wrinkle in them now as well, from loose skin. I still have a lot of belly and back fat. My stomach is just starting to droop. I use this lotion that has collagen in it. I put it everywhere. My triple chin is no longer, but if you catch my head turned just the right angle, you can see lose skin, where my chins once were. I really need to start pounding those weights. I am not sure what to do about my chin area. It doesn’t look bad. You’ll have to really look to catch it. LOL
However, I will not change a thing! If this is my beginning, my lord what will another 6 months be like! I CAN’T WAIT TO FIND OUT! Maybe the money I am scared to spend will help me fix some of these problems, in a couple of years! You never know!
Peace, Love, and LIFE!
WoW!! WoaH! Lord Have Mercy!
I am turning 40, in just a few short hours, and I am just thrilled to pieces!! Had I known that today would be the way it is today, I would have stopped worrying and complaining a long time ago, because things were just going to get better. Now, I was already on this happy train, before I had weight loss surgery, but it sure does add to this huge permanent grin, I am possessing right now! I am no longer pre-diabetic; I no longer have hypertension; my knees no longer snap, crackle, and pop. I can walked up my stairs, without my knees feeling like they are about pop out of its joint. I am a praying woman, I don’t know about the people that will read this, but I am so glad that I finally listen and heeded God’s advice. I am healthier, happier, and more content than I’ve ever been in my life. Most importantly, I can be the type of mother my daughter deserves! If momma isn’t happy, nobody’s happy. When momma’s happy, the WORLD is happier!
I am about to put some music on, after making sure my baby is in the bed, and about to dance this night away!!
I wish the entire world peace, love, and compassion tonight! I wish the world just an ounce of what I am feeling, at this very moment! I love me and I love you!