Month: January 2017
Should I or should I not…
SHOP! Lord have mercy. I have curved my spending, now that the holidays are over, drastically! I must admit, I did partake in the many sales, in every department store imagined. However, most of the shopping was spent on under garments. That’s the one thing that I just can’t fit anymore. Because, I am just feeling myself a little too mich, I went pretty and dainty, which translates to $$$! I have however had a great time shopping in my closet. The one outfit that gave me the largest response from my friends, family, and outside stares and comments was an old outfit.
The dress is a year old, and the jacket… drumroll please… is over 15 years old! It has a nice cut and style to it, so I never got rid of it. It looks brand new. Because, I am smaller now than I was at 23 years old, it fits better! It’ll be to big in 2 months! And just for the sake of showing my cuteness, I added a closeup shot. I love the way I look!
We went to church, then to see Hidden Figures. A great movie by the way! I am still trying to figure out my balance. I do know that I don’t want to look slouchy, unkempt, while shrinking into the woman I am becoming. Did I mention that I am single, so I try to look date ready as much as possible. Lmao!!! The shame in saying that is that I am not ashamed at all!! Who knows the second time around may be a great success story! Lolol
For now, I need to curve my shopping. My closet can’t take any more new or old clothes. Not to mention, this transition will become very expensive. I am looking for an affordable seamstress, in the RDU area. If anyone has any suggestions, I’d appreciate the information. Working at home keeps me from needing to worry about dress wear all the time; however, I’d like to look photo ready when I do go in the office.
I have already purchased, THE weight loss dress, which I purchased in a small size 16. I am going to do a photo shoot as my gift of celebration when it fits! I hope to be in this dress by early spring!
Fun times indeed are a’coming!
Ummm… This is a very personal decision. My range of emotions included anger, sadness, hopelessness, fear, and anything else that a human mind can experience. My first meeting with my surgeon wasn’t very good. I was angry that I felt I needed to meet with this man. I was upset that I just couldn’t do it on my own. I felt like time was running out. I’ll be 40 this year, and I started to imagine the rest of my life with this 5 year that has more energy than a pack of football players, my stressed out knees and back. I felt like I should have done more, when I was younger to curve this issue. I felt like that I shouldn’t have married bad, which caused a great deal of stress, disappointment, and the other horrible D word… depression.
Depression was my achilles heel. I ate myself into hypertension, pre-diabetic numbers, and somehow it was just my poor ‘potential’ surgeon’s fault. Hell, he hadn’t even touched me yet. I sat across from him thinking what an ass. Right? Cause that’s what we do, when we sufficiently need someone else to blame. We lash out at the one person that can potentially change the course of our lives.
Well, at least that was my story, what about yours? Lol
I would encourage everyone to take your time with this decision. If you have problems, during the surgery or afterwards, it’s important that we are sitting comfortably with the choice we have made. Our doctors deserve fair treatment, during the good and the bad. Don’t be forced into this. Do it for yourself. Although, my 5 year old was my staunch #1 driver, then came the fear of diabetes. That’s my truth, right or wrong.
For me, it was important that I fell in love with this decision. I needed to love it more than like it or be okay with it. It took about 7 months from the initial meeting to my actual surgery date. I arrived mentally, emotionally, and spiritually equipped about 4 to 5 months in. The first 4 months, I spent researching, looking for death rates, success rates, and loose skin pictures and videos, and in that order. I was really scared about what I would look like. Now, this was my torture. I had made peace with the low death rate, but the loose sagging skin, and for the first time in my life, being skinny took a long while to conceptualize.
Below are pictures of my face shots before and now. I look back now, and I am thinking, what the hell took you so long girl!! However, had I not taken the time; took the long road, I don’t think mentally I would be where I have safely arrived. I would have nicked picked my decision to death, and eventually sunk into a skinny girl depression, with looser skin. Why looser skin? Because I would be spending the majority of my time mourning the food I can’t eat, mad if I have to dump, and not exercising to tighten my skin up. Just a shrinking loose skinned mess!
My skin has loosen, but I feel so good, who in the hell cares. I look good! I feel better than I look! I dump, then say whelp can’t eat that again; get in the mirror and snap pictures of my new forming collarbone! Then I get my weights and resistance band and work on toning my skin up! I will get an A for effort, no matter the journey or length of time it takes!
See the difference? It’s major!
On one of my very last posts, in May, I mentioned my fear of bathing suit. I would wear one before, as hump and dump. However, I was so concerned about the loose skin, I didn’t think I was going to be able to in a very long while. Well…. drumroll please… I purchased one to wear in two weeks! This is a size 18, down from highest size of 32! I am so excited to be wearing a bathing suit in the winter. I have some squishing going on up top, but by my recollection that’s a good kinda problem. . So BAM! Here I am!
Here’s proof that I can cross my legs and in leggings!! Leggings! I am feeling so pretty! I’ve lost a few more pounds, since putting my suit on. I am over the moon excited about my lease on life.
Let me say something to be clear. This surgery didn’t suddenly given me confidence. I did this surgery for my baby, but it’s true I didn’t expect to just love and appreciate my new look. I thought I was cute before, but hell, I was not expecting to turn into an even prettier butterfly. I’ve never been the shy type. I’ve always embraced life and just went with it. 2016 was a magical year for me, not due to the surgery, but in spite of it. So, I was already on a high, now I am just about overdosed on self love. It comes from within, outwardly. Not to mention, God is sooooo good!
Have a groovy day!
Ohhhh, for those that forgot what I looked like before, here I am.
It’s been such a long time, since I’ve written last, and I have much to tell. I have moved forward with having a gastric surgery. I went with the surgery suggested by my bariatric specialist, Dr. Peter Ng, with Rex Specialists. I went with his suggestion of the duodenal switch. I had surgery on 08/31/2016. I had to do liquids for 2 weeks, which started on 8/17. My highest weight ever was 415 pounds. I was 385, the day of my surgery, I was 370 pounds. Today, I weigh in at 311.5 pounds. I look better than ever. I feel amazing, and it has already been life changing for my daughter. Not only am I crossing my legs, of this 5 foot 10 inch body, but I am to actually able to do things with my daughter and not feel every creak or pop in my knees or back. It has been the best decision I have made for my life!!! I am so happy.
What it has not been is the quick or easy way out. I still have to work. Lord knows, I sure don’t want my droopy skin to get worse. So, I am resist banding and squatting every step of the way. I figured my boobs will need to be surgically fixed, at some point. I have found hips and curves I had no idea existed. Dare I say, I am getting fine. Pictures are coming! I am one big, shrinking ‘unhumble’ pie. Lol I am definitely in love with me, and I can’t wait to share more!
Peace, love, and squats!!