Weight Loss Journey
It’s been awhile since my last post. I finally had to break down and buy a new computer for my kid, which will enable me to blog and post more. I actually got a desk top (all in one). So no more tiny phone punching and constant changes, due to all of the typos. I have much to share.
I love my new weight loss tool. My life has just grown leaps and bounds. I’ve not had any serious or hard consequences or problems, due to my weight loss surgery. I had my gall bladder taken out, while in surgery. I have been pushing my limits as of late though. I have been testing sodas, which is a serious no-no. (1) The sugar content is terrible; (2) the dark sodas burns really bad; (3) the diet sodas aren’t that good anymore. But don’t forget the dark sodas burn (diet or regular). They are just team too much. I picked up a Sprite Zero a few weeks ago, and not only does it taste like a sprite; it doesn’t burn like the dark sodas; and it has no sugar in it. However, it gives me horrible bubble and very LOUD gut noises that leads to serious gas passing. Thank God I work at home and alone! hahaha However, 6 months out, I usually have one every other week. One 20 ounces bottle can last me about 3 days. I can’t drink it straight, and the longer I have it, the fizz is drastically reduced, which helps with the bubbling gut.
SUGAR, VITAMINS & PROTEINS
I like to suck on peppermints. Those things are full of sugar though. I still like starbursts. So, I buy the minis and it’ll take me a week to eat them, but I will. Too many of them will make me dump. I haven’t struggled, like I thought I would with getting my protein in, mostly because I will still do a protein shake, once a day. I need 80 to 120 grams of protein. I am at the lower end of hitting my target.
My vitamins are easier, each passing month. They are like second nature. I struggled a lot with them in the beginning, because it was too much, too soon. They were nasty; too big; and made my tummy hurt. I’ve learned which one I need to eat or drink some protein milk (Fairlife) with, which helps settle my stomach. I can now take the chewable calcium better, which I need 1800 MG per day. I have strawberry and orange flavors that taste just like starbursts! If you are new to this, they’ll not taste like that in the beginning, FYI.
WEIGHT LOSS NUMBERS & HAIR LOSS
My current weight, as of yesterday was 298.2 LBS. I haven’t weighed that since high school. I am getting skinny. Including my skin, which isn’t that bad at all, thus far, I would only like to lose about 70 more pounds. I stand at 5’10 inches. I am curvy, now, and I’d like to keep my curves. I look really great. It’s not just my conceitedness (hahahaha), but from the responses from everyone else, especially the opposite sex. My highest weight was up to 415 pounds. So, I’ve technically lost 117 pounds from my highest weight. You can tell also. I feel so amazing.
In regards to hair loss, I’ve not had any. It came out in some big chucks, maybe 2 times. However, I am a natural headed woman. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I started taking Biotin, after my 3 month check up. I am finishing up my 6th month now, and there’s less shedding. I have gotten to a minimum hair loss. It’s actually longer than it has been in years. It’s growing like it’s on steroids.
I CAN DO ANYTING
I took my baby to Great Wolf Lodge, indoor water park 2 weeks ago. The first time we went was last summer. I couldn’t even go up one flight of stairs. This time, not only did I go up the one flight of stairs, I slid down every last one of the slides, including the big one where I had to climb 4 flights of stairs. My only injury was my heart (too old for this shit aka I was scared), and I skinned both elbows pushing myself down those tunnels.
My daughter has a mommy that can do anything with her. We travel and go places together all the time. I am WHOLE again.
Exercising is still an Achilles heel for me. I don’t have the time. I do stretches and weights, while working, but other than that, I still do not do any hard core running, walking, or pounding something. I work 6 days a week, by choice. I work pretty long hours. When I am not working, I am 150% full on mommy mode. My last doctor visit showed that I have gained quite a bit of muscle mass. I am not losing muscle. I take the stairs every chance I get. I am always on the go, so maybe that’s helping? I don’t know. My doctor wants me to become an athlete. That’s not going to happen. I have to go back to him and say, ‘yeah, I lost the weight (still is); I’ve not lose any hair or muscles (I’ve gained), but I do not want to be an athletic. I want to be debt free; and in my spare time, I want to hang with my kid. She’s at an age now, where we can hang out. She has developed an opinion. hahahaha
In short, my life (I have a real one) has been tremendous! Life is good; really, really, really good. I am happier than ever been in my life. The things that use to seem hard, difficult, or too challenging are like swatting a fly. It’s easy peasy! I am my worst critic and enemy. I am my only road or stumbling block. I just need to get out of my own way and flourish, living the life that God has intended for me!
Should I or should I not…
SHOP! Lord have mercy. I have curved my spending, now that the holidays are over, drastically! I must admit, I did partake in the many sales, in every department store imagined. However, most of the shopping was spent on under garments. That’s the one thing that I just can’t fit anymore. Because, I am just feeling myself a little too mich, I went pretty and dainty, which translates to $$$! I have however had a great time shopping in my closet. The one outfit that gave me the largest response from my friends, family, and outside stares and comments was an old outfit.
The dress is a year old, and the jacket… drumroll please… is over 15 years old! It has a nice cut and style to it, so I never got rid of it. It looks brand new. Because, I am smaller now than I was at 23 years old, it fits better! It’ll be to big in 2 months! And just for the sake of showing my cuteness, I added a closeup shot. I love the way I look!
We went to church, then to see Hidden Figures. A great movie by the way! I am still trying to figure out my balance. I do know that I don’t want to look slouchy, unkempt, while shrinking into the woman I am becoming. Did I mention that I am single, so I try to look date ready as much as possible. Lmao!!! The shame in saying that is that I am not ashamed at all!! Who knows the second time around may be a great success story! Lolol
For now, I need to curve my shopping. My closet can’t take any more new or old clothes. Not to mention, this transition will become very expensive. I am looking for an affordable seamstress, in the RDU area. If anyone has any suggestions, I’d appreciate the information. Working at home keeps me from needing to worry about dress wear all the time; however, I’d like to look photo ready when I do go in the office.
I have already purchased, THE weight loss dress, which I purchased in a small size 16. I am going to do a photo shoot as my gift of celebration when it fits! I hope to be in this dress by early spring!
Fun times indeed are a’coming!
Ummm… This is a very personal decision. My range of emotions included anger, sadness, hopelessness, fear, and anything else that a human mind can experience. My first meeting with my surgeon wasn’t very good. I was angry that I felt I needed to meet with this man. I was upset that I just couldn’t do it on my own. I felt like time was running out. I’ll be 40 this year, and I started to imagine the rest of my life with this 5 year that has more energy than a pack of football players, my stressed out knees and back. I felt like I should have done more, when I was younger to curve this issue. I felt like that I shouldn’t have married bad, which caused a great deal of stress, disappointment, and the other horrible D word… depression.
Depression was my achilles heel. I ate myself into hypertension, pre-diabetic numbers, and somehow it was just my poor ‘potential’ surgeon’s fault. Hell, he hadn’t even touched me yet. I sat across from him thinking what an ass. Right? Cause that’s what we do, when we sufficiently need someone else to blame. We lash out at the one person that can potentially change the course of our lives.
Well, at least that was my story, what about yours? Lol
I would encourage everyone to take your time with this decision. If you have problems, during the surgery or afterwards, it’s important that we are sitting comfortably with the choice we have made. Our doctors deserve fair treatment, during the good and the bad. Don’t be forced into this. Do it for yourself. Although, my 5 year old was my staunch #1 driver, then came the fear of diabetes. That’s my truth, right or wrong.
For me, it was important that I fell in love with this decision. I needed to love it more than like it or be okay with it. It took about 7 months from the initial meeting to my actual surgery date. I arrived mentally, emotionally, and spiritually equipped about 4 to 5 months in. The first 4 months, I spent researching, looking for death rates, success rates, and loose skin pictures and videos, and in that order. I was really scared about what I would look like. Now, this was my torture. I had made peace with the low death rate, but the loose sagging skin, and for the first time in my life, being skinny took a long while to conceptualize.
Below are pictures of my face shots before and now. I look back now, and I am thinking, what the hell took you so long girl!! However, had I not taken the time; took the long road, I don’t think mentally I would be where I have safely arrived. I would have nicked picked my decision to death, and eventually sunk into a skinny girl depression, with looser skin. Why looser skin? Because I would be spending the majority of my time mourning the food I can’t eat, mad if I have to dump, and not exercising to tighten my skin up. Just a shrinking loose skinned mess!
My skin has loosen, but I feel so good, who in the hell cares. I look good! I feel better than I look! I dump, then say whelp can’t eat that again; get in the mirror and snap pictures of my new forming collarbone! Then I get my weights and resistance band and work on toning my skin up! I will get an A for effort, no matter the journey or length of time it takes!
See the difference? It’s major!
On one of my very last posts, in May, I mentioned my fear of bathing suit. I would wear one before, as hump and dump. However, I was so concerned about the loose skin, I didn’t think I was going to be able to in a very long while. Well…. drumroll please… I purchased one to wear in two weeks! This is a size 18, down from highest size of 32! I am so excited to be wearing a bathing suit in the winter. I have some squishing going on up top, but by my recollection that’s a good kinda problem. . So BAM! Here I am!
Here’s proof that I can cross my legs and in leggings!! Leggings! I am feeling so pretty! I’ve lost a few more pounds, since putting my suit on. I am over the moon excited about my lease on life.
Let me say something to be clear. This surgery didn’t suddenly given me confidence. I did this surgery for my baby, but it’s true I didn’t expect to just love and appreciate my new look. I thought I was cute before, but hell, I was not expecting to turn into an even prettier butterfly. I’ve never been the shy type. I’ve always embraced life and just went with it. 2016 was a magical year for me, not due to the surgery, but in spite of it. So, I was already on a high, now I am just about overdosed on self love. It comes from within, outwardly. Not to mention, God is sooooo good!
Have a groovy day!
Ohhhh, for those that forgot what I looked like before, here I am.
It’s been such a long time, since I’ve written last, and I have much to tell. I have moved forward with having a gastric surgery. I went with the surgery suggested by my bariatric specialist, Dr. Peter Ng, with Rex Specialists. I went with his suggestion of the duodenal switch. I had surgery on 08/31/2016. I had to do liquids for 2 weeks, which started on 8/17. My highest weight ever was 415 pounds. I was 385, the day of my surgery, I was 370 pounds. Today, I weigh in at 311.5 pounds. I look better than ever. I feel amazing, and it has already been life changing for my daughter. Not only am I crossing my legs, of this 5 foot 10 inch body, but I am to actually able to do things with my daughter and not feel every creak or pop in my knees or back. It has been the best decision I have made for my life!!! I am so happy.
What it has not been is the quick or easy way out. I still have to work. Lord knows, I sure don’t want my droopy skin to get worse. So, I am resist banding and squatting every step of the way. I figured my boobs will need to be surgically fixed, at some point. I have found hips and curves I had no idea existed. Dare I say, I am getting fine. Pictures are coming! I am one big, shrinking ‘unhumble’ pie. Lol I am definitely in love with me, and I can’t wait to share more!
Peace, love, and squats!!
Well, I didn’t get to do my MRI today. It had to be done at a different facility to accommodate me, and a genius didn’t bother by telling me. I don’t think it’s a torn ACL, because my knee has gotten better. I still walk with a slight limp, but if it’s just the MCL that’s to be expected, as it’ll take up to 6 weeks to heel. Most importantly, another surgery will mean that I can have my weight loss surgery on schedule.
One of the processes is to obtain 5 years of my weight history. Not to waste a perfectly good day, I did complete my 4 out of 6 visit today, which is a part of my weight loss process and got 4 of the years completed. Once I get that last year, I am completely done with my requirements for surgery. I now only have 2 more visits, before I’ll be scheduled for ‘the’ day. My last appointment is approaching rapidly. I have found myself thinking about a lot of things that I’ve normally never thought about, simple things like:
- frequent flyer potential
- theme park rider with my kid
- running (a lot)
- walking faster
- less knee pains
- mortality (never considered it before much)
- riding a bike
- introducing hiking to my kid
- skinny people clothing
- the shape of my face
- my boobies***
- if perception will change, from plus size to ‘skinny’ with the same credentials and education***
I don’t think much about loose skin. It was my initial concern, because I want to wear a bathing suit, because i will now. But, I am at a point in my life that I am openly capable of accepting everything, except sagging boobies. Uh huh! That’s the one thing that I said, I will have repaired, as soon as I can. However, I am hoping that I have inherited my dad’s side of boobies. My aunts are small, and blessed!! If I did, there’s some hope! LMAO!
We shall see….
Well you don’t say! I am more than honored to be have been recognized for telling my ‘crazy’ truths. It’s truly been a humbling experience. I’ve put all of my good, bad, and the uglies all up on front street! So thank you for thinking of me! If anyone wants to read the ‘letter’ posted to me, it’s located under my Who I Am tab.
Well, I have an update from my fall. I have a torn MCL looks like; however, I need to do a MRI to see if I have torn my ACL. If i have, then it will require surgery. I am scared of pain meds, other than Tylenol or ibuprofen. I was given some to take yesterday, but just took it for the first time tonight. Now, I wish I had taken it last night. LOLOLOL I get hard head like that sometimes.
Next Thursday, I have my 4 weight loss visit. With only 2 more to go, I am not sure how I am going to start to act. I am starting to think more about my future, and the good this surgery will give me. I am looking forward to doing Disney with my baby in December, because I know that SHE will get so much more from me. I’ll be able to keep up with her. I’ll be able to do things that I know I can’t do now, with her. I know that this will pretty guarantee her a swift, high energy, smaller mommy that she do deserves, god willing!
I’ve been reading a lot about the hardships and expected changes. that comes with the weight loss surgery. The thing that is scary is the clumps of hair I’ve seen on people’s profile or story line; malnutrition; dehydration; healing time; and how I am going to feel afterwards. When I look at the totality of the posts, you realize there are fewer with bad issues than those that have had just an amazing experience. I don’t want to be part of that few. The senses that I get that you must drink your liquids, take your vitamins, and exercise. Apparently, I am going to have this swoosh of energy that will begin to materialize OVERNIGHT! Seriously? Sounds impossible huh?
For anyone that is thinking about the weight loss surgery, what isn’t always advertised is these secret weight loss groups online, once you’ve committed, where you really get into the heads of pre/post surgery patients. My group is hosted by my actually surgery center, with access to your doctors. That’s has been fantastic! I have found out that my initial opinion of weight loss surgery was from a very highly ignorant opinion! If you do the surgery, you will work for it. It’s not the easy way out, at all. You have got to be mentally prepared. I am getting there.
To be continued! 🙂